Mummy is Sick

I am fortunate that I can’t remember having been sick at all since Ayrton was born beyond a headache here and there.  That said, now that I’m feeling crappy..I swear my son’s thought process has had a radical shift in response.  For example, upon realizing that I don’t feel well this morning, I think his thought process went something like this…

“Ooh, mummy doesn’t feel good today.   If I scream enough I’ll get to watch all the TV I want…

…Time to tell Mummy I’m hungry.  I think I’ll refuse to eat anything other than left over rice because it’s easy for Mummy and fun for me to throw!

…Throwing rice is so much fun!  Especially when I can throw it in the dog bed to save for later when Mummy is trying to clean up all the rice that is all around and in my high chair.

…Hmmm…the dog bed is fun too!  While I’m eating the rice I saved for later, I might as well see why Ovi likes chewing on these toys…

…Okay, so Mummy doesn’t like me eating rice out of the dog bed or chewing on Ovi’s toys.  I’ll just go pull out all of MY toys.

…What’s this?!  I found the drawer with the play dough?!  Awesome!  Screaming is working today.  I’ll just throw a tantrum till Mummy opens all the containers for me.

…The only thing better than having all these colors of play dough is the fact that Mummy has a light colored couch she’s laying on!  I’ll just go share all my play dough colors with her.

…Mummy isn’t enjoying the play dough as much as I do.  I’ll give her a break and just go watch some more TV.

…TV is so much more entertaining when I rearrange ALL of the pillows and rugs in the living room to create the perfect seating environment.

…I’m thirsty.  Yay, Mummy gave me a big boy water bottle because she doesn’t want to pull mine out of the dishwasher and wash it by hand.  Oooh…this water bottle spills water when I turn it upside down!  And check out what it does when I shake it!

…Mummy is in the kitchen cleaning up the water I sprayed everywhere.  I’m bored.  Maybe I’ll go see what’s down here..

…The toilet!  Even better, the toilet brush!!  Man, this thing throws water even further than the water bottle did! 

…Mummy does not look happy.  She also looks kinda tired. Maybe when she finishes cleaning all that up I’ll just go cuddle with her, say “Hi Mama,” and give her a nice kiss on the cheek.”

Even after all the craziness on top of not feeling well, he’s still the sweetest kiddo.   

Signs you’re the Stay at Home Mum of a Toddler(s)

1.     Your to do list includes: laundry (more?!), clean yogurt off of sofa, don’t try not to lose your sh*t about yogurt on the sofa, take attempt to shower, put on a bra, make a healthy lunch the toddler will eat.  You consider yourself successful if you manage to cross off more than one of these in a day.

2.     Your dentist and doctors appointments are like mini vacations and you are willing to switch providers to anyone who runs notoriously late.  “Sorry I’m late, the dentist was really behind today…”

3.     Your gift wish list for any occasion has shifted from the cutest shoes, jewelry, clothes, show tickets etc. to a bigger fridge, the special anniversary recording of Samuel L. Jackson reading “Go The F*ck To Sleep” and a minimum of 5 minutes of private Mummy time in the bathroom.

4.     You refer to yourself in the 3^rd person, even when talking to your spouse.  “Mummy is tired.”

5.     Your idea of a “clean” house is now somewhat more subjective.

6.     Date night consists of a few hours out of the house where you and your spouse attempt not to fall asleep across the dinner table from each other and then spend the whole evening talking about the funny thing the toddler did that day.

7.     Hearing “Winter is Coming” sends cold shivers of fear straight through you because you know that means you’ll have to come up with indoor activities to entertain them or you’ll end up with something far worse than White Walkers on your hands, you’ll have a bored and cooped up toddler…

Australian 102

Boy has time gotten away from me!  It's been two months since my last post, and I can't honestly say that I've been busy, simply lazy.  We've done a few exciting things in the last couple of months, but I'm mostly looking forward to our trip to Europe at the end of May.  We leave just about 3 weeks from today...  In the meantime...the answers to the pop quiz from last time.  I hope none of you have been anxiously awaiting your scores.  

1.  Arvo = Afternoon.  I couldn't tell you where it came from, but that is what it means.

2.  Rock Melon = canteloupe.  

3.  McOz = A Macca's (McDonald's - there's another one for you!) burger with beet root on it.  Yuck.

4.  Capsicum = Bell peppers.  I can't tell you how many times this one has thrown me off.

5.  Coriander = Cilantro.  This one has also thrown me off on a fairly regular basis.

6.  Rubbish tip = The trash dump.  I haven't had a whole lot of use for this one, so I'm not entirely sure why I learned it.

7.  Prawn = big shrimp.

8.  Shrimp = little shrimp (like bay shrimp).

9.  Lollies = candy.

10.  Chewie = Chewing gum

11.  Softie = Soft drink, soda, etc.

12.  Rocket = Arugula

13.  Chook = Chicken

14.  Blockie = Going around the block.  As in, I missed the turn, I'll just chuck a blockie (see number 15 for chuck).

15.  Chuck (As in chuck a sickie) = To do something.  Chuck a blockie = go around the block.  Chuck a sickie = take a sick day from work.

16.  Chemist = Pharmacy

17.  Lift = Elevator

18.  Tomato Sauce (No, it's not ketchup) = A ketchup looking sauce that tends to be more water and less sweet.  Ketchup is a rarity here.

19.  Fanny = Female genitalia.  Please don't ever tell anyone you are going to carry your "fanny pack" here.  If you do in fact feel the need to wear one of these, please call it a "bum pack."

20.  Foot path = Sidewalk.

21.  Thongs = Flip flops.

22.  Jag = Luck out.  As in, I jagged that parking spot.

23.  Ripped = Really good.  Will also be used in the form ripper, or that's a ripper.

24.  Ranger (also known as a Bluie) = A red head.  Short for Orangutan.  Yes, it's offensive, but even the zoos here have gotten on board with it and on one day a year offer any red heads free admission.

25.  Main = Entree.  Entree = Appetizer.  Don't confuse them.

Speaking Australian 101

Now that I've been here 6 weeks (how did that happen?!), I've decided to share the list of Australian to American translations I've collected.  There are of course the simple ones that most people know - bin is trash can, when you want the check at a restaurant you ask for the bill, that kind of thing.  However there are essentially 4 basic rules you can follow if you want to learn to speak Australian (or at least understand it when traveling here). 

Rule 1: Australians shorten everything and add an "O" to the end.  It's taken me a while, but I can generally figure out what they're talking about if I just drop the O and think for a second about what words could be shortened to that particular single syllable.  For instance, rego (drop the "o", you're left with "reg") short for car registration.  

Rule 2:  Sometimes things are both named after something else AND shortened.  Such as eskie.  Short for Eskimo which is an ice chest.  If that's the case, don't even both trying to figure it out, because it won't make any sense anyway.  You just have to pick these up as you go along. 

Rule 3: Some things are just called something else all together.  Again, you pretty much have to learn these as you go, but make sure you don't use the wrong word (or pronounce it with a flat "A" sound) or you won't be understood. Example:  Wheelie Bin = the green garbage can that you wheel out to the street every week so that your trash (rubbish) gets picked up.

Rule 4:  This is not a judgement in any way, but political correctness is basically non-existent as far as I can tell, so if you think at first instinct that something is potentially off color, you're probably right.

So, without further ado - a pop quiz.  Here is the list of things I have collected so far.  See how many you can get.  The correct answers will be supplied in the next post.

1.  Arvo

2.  Rock Melon

3.  McOz

4.  Capsicum

5.  Coriander

6.  Rubbish tip

7.  Prawn

8.  Shrimp

9.  Lollies

10.  Chewie

11.  Softie

12.  Rocket

13.  Chook

14.  Blockie

15.  Chuck (As in chuck a sickie)

16.  Chemist

17.  Lift

18.  Tomato Sauce (No, it's not ketchup)

19.  Fanny

20.  Foot path

21.  Thongs

22.  Jag

23.  Ripped

24.  Ranger (also known as a Bluie)

25.  Main

Good Luck!

 

The Lay Chronicles, Abridged

In an effort to keep from completely boring anyone who reads my blog, I have decided to give you all the abridged version of the last month...

The Outback:  Took 15 hours to drive from Darwin to Alice Springs.  Saw no kangaroos but fed Wallabees.  Got up, drove 4 hours to Ayers Rock.  Raining.  Drove to see Ayers Rock anyway.  Lots of gigantic flys.  Not normal flys.  Ones you have to slap to get them off of you.  Drove to see the Olgas.  Still Raining.  Had Kangaroo, Crocodile, Emu and Beef for dinner and stayed in Lost Camel hotel.  Woke up, drove to see Ayers Rock at Sunrise.  Raining.  Had camel burgers for lunch (who knew they had camels in Australia?).  Drove 8 hours to Coober Pedy.  Stayed in hotel 25 meters underground.  Cool, but creepy in the dark.  Woke up, did opal mine tour, drove 8 hours to Adelaide.

Adelaide:  Stayed with our friend Adam.  Met lots more friends from Nando’s Adelaide days.  Went wine tasting in Barossa Valley.  Yum!  Went to Mt. Lofty and Cleland WildlifePark.  Got to feed kangaroos, pet koalas and saw real live Tasmanian Devils.

Week 1 in Melbourne:  Arrived in Melbourne on January 19, a week after leaving Darwin.  Picked up the keys to our house and then spent a few days staying at Jasmine and Brad’s.  Bought our second car.  Went to the Australian Open.  Twice.  Got to see Jokovich vs. Ferrer in the semi-finals from corporate box seats.  Nando’s excitement levels?  Priceless. 

Weeks 2 – 4 in Melbourne:  A blur of setting up life activities.  Insurance, grocery shopping, endless numbers of boxes to unpack, horrific green furniture from Nando’s bachelor days that necessitated several shopping trips.  Lots of fun times with family and friends.

Ovi, zonked out after playing

Week 5 in Melbourne:  This was a good week.  We are almost into real life now and we added our first addition to the Lay family, a 9 week old Moodle (Maltese x Poodle) named Ovechkin “Ovi” Lay (named for Nando’s favorite hockey player, Alex Ovechkin)!  I am sure that future Lay Chronicles will revolve heavily around Ovi’s adventures in addition to our own.  We can't get enough of his cute little bunny hopping run or those big puppy dog eyes. 

Arrival

January 10 -12

A month after leaving Seattle, we landed in Darwin, Australia at 4:30 in the morning.  Nando's parents graciously picked us up at that awful hour and took us home where we promptly crashed for 7 or 8 hours.  My last thought before falling asleep was, "wow...I'm not leaving."

When we finally did wake up, we immediately set about starting our new life in Australia.  Which it turns out involves as many lines and and as much bureaucracy as it does in the states.   We went to the medicare office where I was informed I had to wait a couple of days for immigration to tell them I was actually in the country and then we tried to transfer the ownership of our new (to us) car and the Motor Vehicle Registration office was closed at 4 pm.  Ah, the sweet familiarity of government.

Joss Paper.  Photo from Wikipedia

Wednesday was for family.  We woke up early to have a small ceremony to remember Nando's ancestors.  We set out an offering of food, tea and rum for them and then we folded gold and silver joss paper into little origami boats that we burned.  They tradition is meant to ensure that our ancestors have good things in the afterlife.  I really enjoyed seeing how Nando and his family respect and acknowledge where they came from because knowing my history has always been important to me as well.   It was a neat experience and a tradition I look forward to continuing in our family.  

I got to meet the aunties and Nando's Grandma on Wednesday night.  They were great fun and I was thrilled to find out that I share a love of motorcycles with one of his aunts.  Now if only I can convince Nando that his aunt owning a motorcycle is enough of a reason for me to have one...

On Thursday morning we went to Aquascene bright and early.  Aquascene is a fish feeding sanctuary where you can hand feed fish, knee deep in water.  There are many kinds of fish and rays that hang out there and they have no fear of swimming around your ankles to get to the stale bread you're handing out.  More than anything, it tickles when they nibble at your skin to see if you're food.  You just have to be sure to shuffle in and out of the water to make sure that you don't step on any of the little guys.

Once the fish all had full bellies, we headed to the mango farm that Nando's family has owned and run since 1985.  Colton Park is 50 kilometers South of Darwin, and approximately 5 kilometers North of Hell if I use the temperature as a gauge.  From the second we arrived until the second we left, an hour later, I was dripping in sweat.  Not pretty, glistening, girl sweat either.  Full on, I just ran a marathon in 100 degree farenheit weather, sweat.  That said, it's a beautifully maintained farm with row after row of 18 different types of mango trees.  Nando's Dad drove me around the farm in his ute (utility vehicle) and pointed out each of the different types of trees occasionally getting out of the truck long enough to kick over one of the ant hills that had started to form under a tree.  After the tour, I got to drive the ute around the farm myself!

Riches to Rags

It’s surprising how quickly you can get accustomed to traveling in luxury only to have it bitch-slapped (sorry Mom, but I do think that’s a technical term) back into you that you really don’t deserve the lap of luxury when you arrive to check in for your budget flight.

Since leaving Rio we’ve been pretty spoiled by the airlines we’ve flown.  Not business or first class luxury or anything, but Etihad and Emirates are pretty impressive airlines even in economy class.  I would even go out on a limb and say that besides the seat size, the economy class amenities are commensurate with the kind of amenities you get on a business or first class domestic US flight.  We were served food and alcohol that we didn’t have to pay for (I know, right?!), the in flight entertainment system was free, there were foot rests for every seat (most excellent for those of us who can’t reach the ground otherwise) and there are power outlets for us electronic junkies who suffer from anxiety at the thought of our laptops, iPads, iPhones not making it through a flight fully charged.

Cut to Singapore airport, Terminal 1, JetStar check-in counter. 

JetStar agent:  “I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Lay, you aren’t allowed any checked baggage.” 

Me:  “Excuse me?  We have 6 bags we have been lugging around the world for the last month and on the last flight of our trip we aren’t allowed any checked baggage??”

JetStar agent:  “We’re happy to check your bags for $160 for 20 kilos.”

Me:  “So the 40 kilos of checked baggage that we have been allowed to check on every other airline is now going to cost us $320?”

JetStar agent:  “Yes ma’am; unless you can get 20 kilos of that into your carry on baggage.  Oh, and your carry on baggage is not to exceed 10 kilos.”

Me:  “So…what you’re saying is that I’m going to be paying exorbitant baggage fees if I have any interest in getting my luggage to Australia…?”

JetStar agent:  “Yes ma’am, that is correct.”

So $320 poorer, we have made it to the Qantas lounge and are awaiting our final flight of the epic journey.  I am very much looking forward to getting to Australia.  I haven’t even been there yet and it already feels like I’m almost home.

…The saga continues down under!