Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Mummy is Sick

I am fortunate that I can’t remember having been sick at all since Ayrton was born beyond a headache here and there.  That said, now that I’m feeling crappy..I swear my son’s thought process has had a radical shift in response.  For example, upon realizing that I don’t feel well this morning, I think his thought process went something like this…

“Ooh, mummy doesn’t feel good today.   If I scream enough I’ll get to watch all the TV I want…

…Time to tell Mummy I’m hungry.  I think I’ll refuse to eat anything other than left over rice because it’s easy for Mummy and fun for me to throw!

…Throwing rice is so much fun!  Especially when I can throw it in the dog bed to save for later when Mummy is trying to clean up all the rice that is all around and in my high chair.

…Hmmm…the dog bed is fun too!  While I’m eating the rice I saved for later, I might as well see why Ovi likes chewing on these toys…

…Okay, so Mummy doesn’t like me eating rice out of the dog bed or chewing on Ovi’s toys.  I’ll just go pull out all of MY toys.

…What’s this?!  I found the drawer with the play dough?!  Awesome!  Screaming is working today.  I’ll just throw a tantrum till Mummy opens all the containers for me.

…The only thing better than having all these colors of play dough is the fact that Mummy has a light colored couch she’s laying on!  I’ll just go share all my play dough colors with her.

…Mummy isn’t enjoying the play dough as much as I do.  I’ll give her a break and just go watch some more TV.

…TV is so much more entertaining when I rearrange ALL of the pillows and rugs in the living room to create the perfect seating environment.

…I’m thirsty.  Yay, Mummy gave me a big boy water bottle because she doesn’t want to pull mine out of the dishwasher and wash it by hand.  Oooh…this water bottle spills water when I turn it upside down!  And check out what it does when I shake it!

…Mummy is in the kitchen cleaning up the water I sprayed everywhere.  I’m bored.  Maybe I’ll go see what’s down here..

…The toilet!  Even better, the toilet brush!!  Man, this thing throws water even further than the water bottle did! 

…Mummy does not look happy.  She also looks kinda tired. Maybe when she finishes cleaning all that up I’ll just go cuddle with her, say “Hi Mama,” and give her a nice kiss on the cheek.”

Even after all the craziness on top of not feeling well, he’s still the sweetest kiddo.   

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Signs you’re the Stay at Home Mum of a Toddler(s)

1.     Your to do list includes: laundry (more?!), clean yogurt off of sofa, don’t try not to lose your sh*t about yogurt on the sofa, take attempt to shower, put on a bra, make a healthy lunch the toddler will eat.  You consider yourself successful if you manage to cross off more than one of these in a day.

2.     Your dentist and doctors appointments are like mini vacations and you are willing to switch providers to anyone who runs notoriously late.  “Sorry I’m late, the dentist was really behind today…”

3.     Your gift wish list for any occasion has shifted from the cutest shoes, jewelry, clothes, show tickets etc. to a bigger fridge, the special anniversary recording of Samuel L. Jackson reading “Go The F*ck To Sleep” and a minimum of 5 minutes of private Mummy time in the bathroom.

4.     You refer to yourself in the 3rd person, even when talking to your spouse.  “Mummy is tired.”

5.     Your idea of a “clean” house is now somewhat more subjective.

6.     Date night consists of a few hours out of the house where you and your spouse attempt not to fall asleep across the dinner table from each other and then spend the whole evening talking about the funny thing the toddler did that day.

7.     Hearing “Winter is Coming” sends cold shivers of fear straight through you because you know that means you’ll have to come up with indoor activities to entertain them or you’ll end up with something far worse than White Walkers on your hands, you’ll have a bored and cooped up toddler…