The 7 Things I Wish I Could Make My Toddler Understand

 I'm back!  It's been a bit crazy since the baby was born, which has caused me to ask myself So. Many. Times. why the toddler doesn't just get certain things that would make all of our lives easier.  If only I could get him to understand these things, maybe we would have days filled with nothing but good times, rainbows and sprinkled covered cupcakes.  So for my son, the seven things I wish I could help you understand…

1.     I hate telling you no.  I wish I could let you do and have everything you want.  Unfortunately, I have to say no sometimes.  I say no to keep you from hurting yourself.  I say no to make sure you are staying healthy and not living off of junk food, and quite frankly sometimes I say no for no good reason other than I want you to learn patience and respect so you grow up to be a good person.

2.     I hate yelling at you.  Believe it or not, I don’t enjoy yelling at you.  If you would just do what I ask, when I ask you to do it (or not do it), I wouldn’t have to yell and we would both be happier.

3.     Your penis is attached.  I promise you don’t have to immediately check for it every time your nappy/diaper comes off.

4.     Poop is ALWAYS stinky and yucky.  You don’t need to immediately try to get a sample after checking to make sure your penis is still attached. Every. Single. Time.  I promise, it’s still stinky and yucky, just like last time.

5.     Screaming and throwing a tantrum will never get you your way.  Ever.

6.     I am a sucker for the way you say please and thank-you without being asked.  If you want your way, come at me with a “please”, a smile, and some puppy dog eyes.  Follow it up with your adorable little “tank-you Mom” and you’ll probably never get a “no” from me again.

7.     Your laugh brings me more joy than anything else on this planet.  Seriously.  Even more than wine and chocolate.  Which makes parenting SO HARD sometimes when I have to let you scream it out, or put you in time out, or deprive you of whatever your little heart desires more than anything else at that moment in time.  I promise I am doing it for your own good, and I will be anxiously waiting for you to get over it so I can hear that giggle again.

There you have it son.  The seven things I wish I could make you understand.  Oh, and once you figure them out, could you go ahead and make sure your brother gets it?  I’d love to avoid going through all this again when he gets to your age… K, thanks, bye.